the 'New' Bible?

As Mother Frangelico explained, we have been working very hard with Vacation Bible School and the children. It has been exhilarating as well as exhausting!

One of my duties was teaching some of the Bible Stories to the 5-6 year old children. I asked the children to write down their favorite Bible stories and then give a presentation to the rest of the children and teachers on Friday. What happened was quite interesting. Here are a few of the more memorable snippits:

In the beginning:

• "In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off."
• "Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree."
• "Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark."
• "Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears."

The Old Testament:

• 'Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.'
• 'The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.'
• 'Samson was a strongman who let himself is led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.'
• 'Samson spayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.'
• 'Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.'
• 'The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the 10 amendments.'
• 'The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.'
• 'The seventh commandment is thou shall not admit adultery.'
• 'Moses died before he ever reached Canada.'
• 'Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Genital.'
• 'The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.'
• 'David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.'
• 'Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.'

The New Testament:

• 'When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.'
• 'When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.'
• 'Jesus was born because Man had an immaculate contraption.'
• 'St John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.'
• 'Jesus said the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.'
• 'He also explained, "A man doth not live by sweat alone."'
• 'It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.'
• 'The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.'
• 'The epistles were the wives of the apostles.'
• 'One of the opossums was St Matthew who was also a taxi man.'
• 'St Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.'
• 'A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony'

The Brothers, Sisters, Mother and Father were all trying to control their laughter...I could hear snickers and coughing coming from the back of the room. I tried to tell the kids that they were doing a good job, but all I could hear was the laughter. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. *sigh*

Regarding the mixup with God's grace, I'm still contemplating what Father explained to me. I'll post about that soon.

Grace...Have you seen her?

Since my Come-and-See week with the Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity, Mother Frangelico has been asking what I want. Honestly, I don't know. I know I'm being called...I can feel God's urging but I am unsure into which direction He is pointing me. Mother said that urge is Grace.

Sister Caprice was telling me about the Dominicans and how you have to not only leave your family, you have to leave the country. I'm not sure I buy it, but she's the one that has access to the internet. I am so computer illiterate it's not funny. Sister Caprice told me once that the mouse on the computer didn't work. I was expecting to see a small creature with beady-red eyes but it was some small apparatus attached to the computer.

Anyway, I told Mother that I did not want to move out of the country and I wanted an Order near my family. I also told her that I recently I would think about praying the Rosary and I had to go to Chapel to pray. Sometimes I would have to pray 3 or 4 Rosaries before the feeling would go away. She told me again that this is Grace.

Who is Grace? I want to talk to her. Have you seen her?

Mortification

So, I've prayed many, many times for God to make me humble. Last week, I prayed that God would humiliate me. Boy, was that a mistake!

First off, to explain my extended silence, I've been running over to the diocesan chancellery to try to clarify our canonical status as a community. Since we are not a community in the traditional sense, (although we tend to be traditional in our devotions), we have to work out how the governance of the community will work, as well as our continued relationship with the diocese. It is all very convoluted, and puts me to sleep!

Anyway, with all that weighing on my mind, I just did not get a good jump on the Sunday readings this past week. The readings were excellent for discerners, and the great commission that Jesus gives to all the disciples to 'pray that the Master of the Harvest send more laborers into his fields.' Did you know that this is one of the few things that Jesus specifically tells us to pray for?

Great stuff, but let me fill you in on my day yesterday:

In addition to my duties here at the monastery, I also have to assist at parishes in the immediate area. There is a slight need to help the pastors, and I am glad to assist as they also help out here. Well, things took a bit long here at the monastery and Sr. Caprice needed to chat right after Mass for a few minutes, plus Sr. Maxine was filling in all the details of her wanderings, plus Brother Brit's continued, ummm....., activities; all added up to me leaving the monastery way late and getting to the parish with about five minutes to go before Mass. Not enough time!

Wouldn't you know it, there were a few extra things for Father's Day going on, too; plus something about their upcoming festival; my mind was about the consistency of scrambled eggs by the time I started Mass.

Well, the homilies I give at the monastery are usually pretty focused on things there, so I often have a different theme for the parish Masses; and I thought I had something worked out; but didn't get the time to actually write out my thoughts. No problem, I thought, I've been at this for long enough a time that I can wing it.

Well, with all the mass confusion at the monastery, traffice to the parish, and the hullabaloo at the parish, I finished the Gospel and my mind was a vast wasteland of ideas. I am talking Sahara Desert: vast and dry.

I turned, looked at the assembled crowds, and humbly admitted: "I have no idea what I was going to say."

I stumbled on for a bit of time, when it dawned on me from my seminary days: 'The best way to end a homily, if you've got nothing else: "Stand for the Creed."'

Most of the people were laughing after Mass, and I have feeling that this might live on in infamy long after I am gone.