the 'New' Bible?

As Mother Frangelico explained, we have been working very hard with Vacation Bible School and the children. It has been exhilarating as well as exhausting!

One of my duties was teaching some of the Bible Stories to the 5-6 year old children. I asked the children to write down their favorite Bible stories and then give a presentation to the rest of the children and teachers on Friday. What happened was quite interesting. Here are a few of the more memorable snippits:

In the beginning:

• "In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off."
• "Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree."
• "Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark."
• "Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears."

The Old Testament:

• 'Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.'
• 'The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.'
• 'Samson was a strongman who let himself is led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.'
• 'Samson spayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.'
• 'Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.'
• 'The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the 10 amendments.'
• 'The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.'
• 'The seventh commandment is thou shall not admit adultery.'
• 'Moses died before he ever reached Canada.'
• 'Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Genital.'
• 'The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.'
• 'David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.'
• 'Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.'

The New Testament:

• 'When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.'
• 'When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.'
• 'Jesus was born because Man had an immaculate contraption.'
• 'St John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.'
• 'Jesus said the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.'
• 'He also explained, "A man doth not live by sweat alone."'
• 'It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.'
• 'The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.'
• 'The epistles were the wives of the apostles.'
• 'One of the opossums was St Matthew who was also a taxi man.'
• 'St Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.'
• 'A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony'

The Brothers, Sisters, Mother and Father were all trying to control their laughter...I could hear snickers and coughing coming from the back of the room. I tried to tell the kids that they were doing a good job, but all I could hear was the laughter. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. *sigh*

Regarding the mixup with God's grace, I'm still contemplating what Father explained to me. I'll post about that soon.

Clearing up Misconceptions

You may wonder where we've been all week as there hasn't been anything posted, not even responses to the two dear confused sisters!

Summer is a very busy time for us. It is Vacation Bible School season and our "services" are much in demand as the various parishes are trying to fill required quotas of adult-to-child ratios, fill volunteer positions, and assist will all the business of getting such programs running! It's a big job, but our Brothers and Sisters have greatly risen to the occasion and they are a BIG HIT with all the children and volunteers alike!

And as it turns out, Sister Caprice's flair for the dramatic CAN be harnessed for good, Sister Perpetua's penchant for the mysterious has been put to work in creating imaginative and fun atmospheres, and Sister Maxine's love for fun has brought many elements of these programs to life! As for the Brothers, Brother Brit had some wonderful ideas in the Faith and Bible story stations, Brother Gus got to clown around on stage with Sister Caprice and has been helping with music, and even Father stopped in to help plan the Mass for tomorrow!

Before we went, though, Sister Caprice and I had a talk about the Dominicans. She now understands that the Dominican Order has no connection to the Dominican Republic and so she does not need to change her citizenship, nor will she need to go there unless the Lord Himself sends her there. And she definitely does not need to align with ANY political party!

As for Sister Maxine....Grace is a gift of God, not a person, and DEFINITELY not a person of the Trinity! She spoke with Father about grace, though, and perhaps he'll say more of their conversation. Or she can recap it herself, which might be a good thing.

Grace...Have you seen her?

Since my Come-and-See week with the Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity, Mother Frangelico has been asking what I want. Honestly, I don't know. I know I'm being called...I can feel God's urging but I am unsure into which direction He is pointing me. Mother said that urge is Grace.

Sister Caprice was telling me about the Dominicans and how you have to not only leave your family, you have to leave the country. I'm not sure I buy it, but she's the one that has access to the internet. I am so computer illiterate it's not funny. Sister Caprice told me once that the mouse on the computer didn't work. I was expecting to see a small creature with beady-red eyes but it was some small apparatus attached to the computer.

Anyway, I told Mother that I did not want to move out of the country and I wanted an Order near my family. I also told her that I recently I would think about praying the Rosary and I had to go to Chapel to pray. Sometimes I would have to pray 3 or 4 Rosaries before the feeling would go away. She told me again that this is Grace.

Who is Grace? I want to talk to her. Have you seen her?

Dominicans

This afternoon I was talking to Brother Brit about his latest visit to the Dominicans. He was explaining their habit, and was telling me about the Dominican sisters he's met and how great they are.

I told Brother Brit that I don't think I'm smart enough to be Dominican because I can't explain a bunch of things even though I believe them, but he said that maybe I still have the charism that so maybe I should look into them?

And I do like the Dominican habit. Do you know that their habit hasn't changed since their beginning? So I guess that means that they do the same things now that they always did. And habits are hard to break.

So I went online and did a search for "Dominican" and found a bunch of stuff about the Dominican Republic. I didn't realize I'd have to change nationalities in order to be Dominican. And all the pictures of the people on beaches and stuff, well it didn't look really religious.

I'm going to have to talk to Brother Brit. I don't think he should have to change nationalities in order to be Dominican, or that he was going to far to visit them! He's my friend and I want him to be happy, but he's American, darn it! He doesn't HAVE to become an Islander and drink things with pink umbrellas in them! I don't think he likes pina coladas, anyway! So why would he go to the Dominican Republic?

Besides, I thought Brother Brit liked the changing seasons, and in the Dominican Republic it's like, all tropical and stuff.

I always thought he'd be a good priest, but now it just looks like he's trying to find a place to go party. I wonder if Mother Frangelico and Father know about that? I don't want to tell them...but they have to know so they can help Brother Brit!

I just don't know what to DO!

Mortification

So, I've prayed many, many times for God to make me humble. Last week, I prayed that God would humiliate me. Boy, was that a mistake!

First off, to explain my extended silence, I've been running over to the diocesan chancellery to try to clarify our canonical status as a community. Since we are not a community in the traditional sense, (although we tend to be traditional in our devotions), we have to work out how the governance of the community will work, as well as our continued relationship with the diocese. It is all very convoluted, and puts me to sleep!

Anyway, with all that weighing on my mind, I just did not get a good jump on the Sunday readings this past week. The readings were excellent for discerners, and the great commission that Jesus gives to all the disciples to 'pray that the Master of the Harvest send more laborers into his fields.' Did you know that this is one of the few things that Jesus specifically tells us to pray for?

Great stuff, but let me fill you in on my day yesterday:

In addition to my duties here at the monastery, I also have to assist at parishes in the immediate area. There is a slight need to help the pastors, and I am glad to assist as they also help out here. Well, things took a bit long here at the monastery and Sr. Caprice needed to chat right after Mass for a few minutes, plus Sr. Maxine was filling in all the details of her wanderings, plus Brother Brit's continued, ummm....., activities; all added up to me leaving the monastery way late and getting to the parish with about five minutes to go before Mass. Not enough time!

Wouldn't you know it, there were a few extra things for Father's Day going on, too; plus something about their upcoming festival; my mind was about the consistency of scrambled eggs by the time I started Mass.

Well, the homilies I give at the monastery are usually pretty focused on things there, so I often have a different theme for the parish Masses; and I thought I had something worked out; but didn't get the time to actually write out my thoughts. No problem, I thought, I've been at this for long enough a time that I can wing it.

Well, with all the mass confusion at the monastery, traffice to the parish, and the hullabaloo at the parish, I finished the Gospel and my mind was a vast wasteland of ideas. I am talking Sahara Desert: vast and dry.

I turned, looked at the assembled crowds, and humbly admitted: "I have no idea what I was going to say."

I stumbled on for a bit of time, when it dawned on me from my seminary days: 'The best way to end a homily, if you've got nothing else: "Stand for the Creed."'

Most of the people were laughing after Mass, and I have feeling that this might live on in infamy long after I am gone.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day, Papa! Happy Father's Day, Father! Happy Brother's Day, Brother Gus & Brother Brit!

It's Father's Day! We all wanted to do something extra-special for Father...especially since he has MANY children, although they are not his own...and WE are kinda like his children (I think we give him enough headaches like his own kids would if he had kids). Soon Brother Gus & Brother Brit will have their own kids (kinda) when they become Priests!

Sr. Caprice, Sr. Perpetua, and I got up extra early today! We snuck down the secret hallway to the men's side to leave Father a card & present at his door, and we put a card in front of Brother Gus' and Brother Brit's doors so when they woke up they would see them right away. Then we took the other secret hallway down to the kitchen. I think this was the first time Sr. Caprice has been through there.

Sr. Caprice showed Sr. Perpetua and I where all of the ingredients were for the special breakfast for Father. Our menu was:

• Scrambled Eggs
• Sausage (Microwavable)
• Toast
• Jam & Butter for the toast
• Hashbrown casserole

Father, Brother Gus & Brother Brit are going to be so surprised!

Sr. Caprice showed Sr. Perpetua how to crack an egg with only one hand! By the third egg, she really got the hang of it! I think Sr. Perpetua is going to be the next Julia Childs! (without the accent, of course!) Sr. Caprice should definitely go on the Iron Chef show! She's just like my mom - could whip up anything in a flash.

Since I do not have as much experience in the kitchen, I was given the task of microwaving the sausages. They used 3 of the sausages to put in the hashbrown casserole & I was to bake the rest in the microwave. Sounds easy enough.

Sr. Perpetua helped Sr. Caprice with the hashbrown casserole - the eggs, cheese, sausage, and hashbrowns were all mixed together & put in the oven. They then started on the scrambled eggs. They used an old-fashioned egg beater, you know the kind that has two, well, uhm, you know the things that turn. Sr. Perpetua was beating them silly! They turned a soft shade of yellow and were really fluffy!

Sr. Caprice told me I should start on the sausages. I read the box...place them on a microwavable plate, evenly spaced. What do you know! There was a microwavable plate already in the microwave. So I put them on the plate, tried to space them as evenly as possible. It was kinda hard since the plate was round. It said to microwave them on high for 8 minutes, turn them over and microwave another 4. So, I closed the door and set the timer for 800. That was easy! The plate even turned in the microwave. wow!

Sr. Caprice then started the toast...rye bread! yummy! Sr. Perpetua buttered each of the slices as it popped up. I started setting the table. I even put a special plate & cup at Father's, Brother Brit's and Brother Gus' places. This was going to be wonderful!

The hasbrown casserole was done, the table set, eggs and sausages cooked (I actually did something right in the kitchen!), and toast placed on a special plate. Sr. Caprice started the coffee - we even found hazelnut, Father's favorite!

Within minutes everyone came down...they all smelled the wonderful cuisine that Sr. Caprice & Sr. Perpetua prepared and the awesome aroma of coffee in the morning. We decided to eat first and then pray LOH, just for today.

Happy Father's Day!

The Cloister

I finally got some time to talk about what happened last week with my discernment and on the silent retreat.

You already know about my conversation with Fr. T., but I haven't spoken about my conversation with Mother Frangelico and Father. We three actually sat down the evening I came back and I explained what had been going through my mind.

Since I wrote about that, I'll only talk about the main points; I thought God was calling me to enter a cloistered community, and that would mean that I'd never get to speak to anyone ever again, or hug anyone ever again, or even eat enjoyable foods. I thought that I'd have to give up everything fun I've ever done. And so I put myself to the test to see if I could even do it, because if not, then I'd need a LOT of grace! Because I chatter all the time, and I'm an affectionate person...I just love nearly everyone I meet! And I love to cook and I love to eat, and all that. To spend the rest of my life in silence was just an awful thought, but I figured maybe it was a form of "white martyrdom" and that if God was calling me to it, well, I had to be obedient.

That's why I was so sad last week. That, and I was trying mightily to be so somber and reverent and quiet.

Well, Mother Frangelico (who used to be a cloistered nun) and Father explained that my idea of cloister life was WAY off base! They said that the women and men called to live set apart like that aren't silent 24/7, except maybe the Trappists, and even they can speak when they really need to. And I wouldn't have to live on bread and water, and most of the cloistered communities don't even forbid hugs...although I wouldn't be able to go around hugging my Sisters constantly, nor would I want to!

I was so relieved! But still, I wasn't sure if I could live in a cloister. Father and Mother looked at each other and then told me that maybe it's not quite time for me to consider that route just yet. And they said that the people who are called to it aren't terrified...they're joyful and filled with peace. And if I'm terrified, it's a sign that God is not calling me to that life. Maybe he will someday, but not now.

Mother gave me a movie to watch this afternoon, and actually, we all watched it. "Into Great Silence". It was amazing, about Carthusian monks. But half-way through, I heard snoring, and I looked over and Brother Gus was sawing logs, and Father was asleep in the easy chair. I thoght it was FASCINATING! I couldn't tear my eyes away from all that was happening!

It was very prayerful and very moving, and I feel a lot better about the whole cloister thing now. Although maybe they're right and I'm not called to it, but it's not as scary-looking as I thought. I supposed that if someone is called to live that kind of life, God does provide the grace to do it.