Grits & Giggles

Although I'm from the South & Southerners have a propensity toward rich & delicious cooking, I never received that gift. You know when people can't dance, they say they have 'two left feet'? Well, I have two left arms, hands, brains, etc. in the kitchen. When I was young I would try to help my mom bake. It would take about 10 minutes before she would order me out of the kitchen due to extreme exasperation! I just did not have the knack for the kitchen. (Put me in nature, and that's a horse of a different color!)

I was very excited when I heard that Sr. Caprice was coming home! In fact, everyone was excited! I had never seen so much jubilation in the Monastery. Mother was back to singing, Sr. Perpetua was actually grinning (although I have a feeling it was her thinking about our catastophe in the kitchen & how she would get me back for drowning her with the ice-cold water). I even heard Father play his Ukelele! Who has a Ukelele anymore? Was he stationed in Hawaii at one time? (you know, I think he was even humming 'Tiny Bubbles').

However, Mother Frangelico gave me strict orders not to go near the kitchen unless Sr. Caprice was with me and she didn't care that Cook was here. THEN, if my previous antics were not enough, she tells me that Sr. Caprice and I are COOKING BREAKFAST....FOR EVERYONE! (Am I in Purgatory or punished for something???).

Sr. Caprice and I got up VERY early so that we could make breakfast. She asked what I usually had for breakfast, actually, I don't eat breakfast. I'm trying to get out of bed, washed, dressed, and down to Chapel. I don't want to be late and it takes me a long time to get ready. Actually, it's taken all of my sisters a long time to get ready...my father used to yell at us in the morning. I don't think he ever got 2 minutes in the bathroom before someone would hollar. Then Sr. Caprice asked what I usually had for breakfast as a child.

Oh, I remember those days! Grits, eggs, bacon, and warm rolls, just out of the oven! My mom was a fabulous cook! She could take anything, anything at all, and make a cuisine for a King. One Christmas we were having a very difficult time making ends meet and my mom knew that she could buy us presents or dinner. We could not have both. Well, my father came back from hunting on Christmas Eve with a muskrat. On Christmas Day, I've never had such an incredible meal before!

Well, Cook had already talked with Mother Frangelico about Sr. Caprice teaching me to cook/bake and she left late last night to spend the evening and morning with her brother and his family. I think she was afraid of what the kitchen would look like when we were finished. Cook had bought some of my childhood favorites for breakfast....including GRITS!

Sr. Caprice was so patient with me! So much more so than my mom. I think she could wait out a snail running the 10-meter dash! She showed me how to measure the water and butter. She turned the burner on, put the pan on the burner, and told me to keep stirring and let her know when it starts to boil. (boil? what's that?) She then put the bacon in another pan & put that on the stove as well. She told me to watch it & turn the bacon over when it is crisp. (turn the bacon over what?) She said she would start the eggs. She thought omelets would be a nice change of pace (especially since she does not like easy-over eggs with all the runny, yummy yolk).

Well, it wasn't 5 minutes later when the water for the grits was jumping & splashing. She told me to put the measuring cup of grits in the water & keep stirring. I did. She was at the counter chopping the green onions, celery, tomatoes, and peppers when she accidentally cut herself. She told me to keep doing what I'm doing and she would be right back once she stopped the bleeding & got a bandaid.

I thought I would help her out a bit. I put the eggs that she mixed in a large pan and put all of the vegetables that she chopped on top of the eggs. I knew I could do this. The grits started jumping, the bacon started smoking, and now the eggs were getting large bubbles in them. I stirred the grits, turned the bacon, and watched the eggs. Stir the grits, turn the bacon, watch the eggs. Stir the grits, turn the bacon, watch the eggs. I was getting the hang of this...I was a bit proud of myself!

Turn the grits, watch the bacon, stir the eggs.

All of a sudden all hell broke loose in the kitchen! The grits turned 10 shades of grey, the bacon was black, and the eggs, well, the eggs were a bit orange and rubbery. When Sr. Caprice came back (she was only gone 10 minutes!) she took one look at me. I was sobbing! I tried so hard to do something right in the kitchen and all I made was another mess! At least this time I didn't have the smoke alarm go off. TOO LATE!!! It was BLARING!

Sr. Caprice turned off the stove, took everything off the burners, and handed me bowls, spoons, and cereal.