Sunday, June 29, 2008

the 'New' Bible?

As Mother Frangelico explained, we have been working very hard with Vacation Bible School and the children. It has been exhilarating as well as exhausting!

One of my duties was teaching some of the Bible Stories to the 5-6 year old children. I asked the children to write down their favorite Bible stories and then give a presentation to the rest of the children and teachers on Friday. What happened was quite interesting. Here are a few of the more memorable snippits:

In the beginning:
  • "In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off."
  • "Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree."
  • "Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark."
  • "Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears."
The Old Testament:
  • 'Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.'
  • 'The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.'
  • 'Samson was a strongman who let himself is led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.'
  • 'Samson spayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.'
  • 'Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.'
  • 'The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the 10 amendments.'
  • 'The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.'
  • 'The seventh commandment is thou shall not admit adultery.'
  • 'Moses died before he ever reached Canada.'
  • 'Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Genital.'
  • 'The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.'
  • 'David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.'
  • 'Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.'
The New Testament:
  • 'When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.'
  • 'When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.'
  • 'Jesus was born because Man had an immaculate contraption.'
  • 'St John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.'
  • 'Jesus said the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.'
  • 'He also explained, "A man doth not live by sweat alone."'
  • 'It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.'
  • 'The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.'
  • 'The epistles were the wives of the apostles.'
  • 'One of the opossums was St Matthew who was also a taxi man.'
  • 'St Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.'
  • 'A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony'

The Brothers, Sisters, Mother and Father were all trying to control their laughter...I could hear snickers and coughing coming from the back of the room. I tried to tell the kids that they were doing a good job, but all I could hear was the laughter. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. *sigh*

Regarding the mixup with God's grace, I'm still contemplating what Father explained to me. I'll post about that soon.


Mother Frangelico said...

Well, Sister Maxine, I DID warn you last weekend that your changes to the program's lesson plan was a bit ambitious! You have to remember that 5 and 6 year olds can only retain so much before they do...well, what they did. Next year, cut that material down to about 1/3 and follow the program in the curriculum. Actually, just do that at the next VBS at St. Clare's, which is using the same program. And your results will be MUCH better.

Sister Maxine said...

But there is so much that they need to know! Which third?

If I leave out 'In the beginning' the children will not understand how the Old Testament and New Testament fit together. If I leave out the Old Testament it will not make any sense by the time I get to the New Testament. And if I leave out the New Testament... *shudder* I'm NOT even going there! No way!


Mother Frangelico said...

SISTER MAXINE! This is an issue of OBEDIENCE! Next time, use the curriculum which was written by people who know more than you do about how children learn! It is a solid CATHOLIC program, written by solid Catholics, it has an imprimatur, and we as the teachers must follow it as it is written instead of making ourselves "experts" above and beyond what the lesson plan says.

Now, if, later in the summer, we run into a parish using a Protestant-based program, you and I can sit down with the lesson plan and do a better job of catering to the little ones in a Catholic way.

For now, don't worry about what YOU think they need to know...worry rather about whether you're following the program. I don't think the children in your group this time around learned anything but the garble they provided, proof that it was way over their heads!

Sister Caprice said...

OK, I've been reading over this stuff over and over again this week, and I don't really see what the kids did that was so wrong? I thought Sister Maxine did a wonderful job.

I guess I'll just write about it. Because I have to talk about what happened today, too.