This morning after prayer, Mother and I had a long conversation while preparing breakfast, and she explained a few more things, and gave me a book to read. It's not very long, and I've already started it: "The Privilege of Being a Woman" by Alice von Hildebrand. She said the book will help me understand who I am as a woman.
Then she explained that Father doesn't hate me, and she'd spoken with him, and that he wanted me to come to his office after breakfast. So I went, and my heart was in my throat. I was so certain he was going to kick me out! But Father said right away that he'd seen the comment that I'd made and that I should know first of all that he most certainly doesn't hate me, and secondly, that being confused isn't grounds for dismissal. Then he quizzed me on what Brother Brit had said, and made sure I understood why women can't become priests. And I DO understand now, and I'm OK with that.
And we even joked around a little bit about the women who think they're priests are are going around wearing colored garbage bags.
But then he got serious again, and he apologized for shouting and for being so angry. And he said that he didn't want me to leave the monastery, especially because of him and his temper.
After that, he kinda tried to get me to talk more about my family, growing up, and stuff. But I almost started crying and couldn't speak at all so I just shook my head and refused to talk about it. And he said he understood and that maybe he shouldn't have asked, especially considering that he has a lot to make up for right now. But he said (real nicely) that his door is always open and I can come talk to him any time. And that before I make announcements maybe it would be better to make sure he and Mother Frangelico know about what I'm thinking before I do anything, including writing about it. And I agreed. The whole thing could have been avoided if I were just a bit more prudent.
But I feel a whole lot better now, and the monastery seems like it's peaceful again.
OK! I'm going to go to the chapel and tell Jesus that we're all friends again!